Karl's Shanghai Diary

Typhoon

2007-09-18T04:02:00.000-04:00

This email just appeared in my in-box:

Dears,
The weather forecasting a biggest typhoon ever in recent 10 years is approaching Shanghai. Considering the severe traffic and security situation, and on behalf of Managing Director's instruction, I would like to inform you that, you might go home earlier upon your team head's agreement now.

Yikes.

Sunday afternoon

2007-09-09T05:03:00.000-04:00

A new Hyatt hotel opened about a fifteen minute walk from our apartment. We walked there for lunch today. It's nice -- enormous and luxurious with terrific views.

Here's a photo from our walk back home.

Seoul

2007-09-09T04:57:00.000-04:00

Juan and I went to Seoul a few weeks ago for a long weekend. Why Seoul? It's only a 2 hour flight, they have special weekend hotel rates, and, eh, why not? Some friends here tried to dissuade us -- "It's Tokyo's dull cousin." and "The only good thing there is the airport." I wouldn't listen.

Wow. What a dull place.

Some excellent restaurants, but mainly just a banal urban monotony punctuated by unfortunate attempts at contemporary architecture (at least the modern architecture in China is spectacularly bad -- kitsch is always better than bland.)

Upside: Korean BBQ, the Krispy Creme near the Lotte Hotel, good public transit.

Downside: Everything else. The drive from the airport lasts longer than The Exodus. Also the DMZ tour doesn't happen on Sunday so we didn't get a chance to see the only interesting bit.

Happy, happy

2007-09-09T04:34:00.000-04:00

We recently won a pitch for Disney in China, so we had our agency kick-off meeting at the park in Hong Kong.

Prior to the visit everyone I asked about it uniformly remarked, "The park is so small!" Yep, it's small. After 3 hours of the suffocating crowds, wailing children, heat and humidity I felt like I was being buried alive.

They had some kind of water cannon parade during our visit. We went on Space Mountain (45 minute wait.) And then I bought some of those mouse ear hats as souvenirs.

Market visit

2007-08-31T07:23:00.000-04:00

Some final photos from my Weifang market visit. I tried to find something a bit more scenic, but honestly not much to see in Weifang as it, like most Chinese cities I visited, has a relentless aesthetic sameness. Expansive boulevards and rows of apartment developments in an ever expanding urban planning nightmare.

Instead I'm including some photos from our store checks. The first is the scene outside the supermarket, the rest are interiors. For store checks we go in and photograph our client's products along with the competitors' stuff, check out the in-store promotions and chat with the staff about business, what shoppers are asking for, average spend per customer, etc.

I'm glad I majored in film and art history in college. Really coming in handy.

More Weifang

2007-08-31T07:06:00.000-04:00

Another photo from my visit to Weifang.

A guy had set up a impromptu pet store on the sidewalk next to the river. Here's he washing a cat with laundry detergent.

Donkey soup

2007-08-16T07:58:00.000-04:00

I haven't had the time to properly write about my recent market research visit to a third-tier city called Weifang, but it involved:

- Going into several local residents' homes and taking photos of their toothpaste.
- A visit to the regionally-famous monument to kites.
- A banquet hosted by the staff of the local Weifang TV station featuring donkey soup, sea slugs and a platter of fried bugs (pictured.)

I will add some more photos later. Not much to see really.

The donkey soup tasted like a wet dog. The bugs were crunchy. I didn't eat the sea slug.

Pots

2007-08-10T03:54:00.000-04:00

I finally figured out how to connect my camera phone to my craptastic Lenovo laptop. Now I can download several month's worth of photos.

Juan and I are taking a pottery class on Saturday afternoon. I started with the wheel thing and gave up after about 20 minutes. Everything ended up as a "Frank Gehry-inspired abstract sculpture" (i.e. pile of mud.)

I took a photo of ceramic hipster Maos waiting to be sealed in the fiery oven. Depending on your historical perspective it may be where the real Mao is spending his ever-after.

I made a plaster mold of a wine bottle and created a ceramic version. (Last photo.)

Another view from my window

2007-08-06T22:21:00.000-04:00

The smog finally cleared to give us the first spectacular summer day in a long, long time.

Here's the view from my office on the 29th floor around 9:45AM. On the right in the background is the China World Trade, still under construction. When it's finished it will be the tallest building in Asia.

I'll try to post again and re-cap the past few months.

View from my window

2007-08-01T04:33:00.000-04:00

Weifang, Shandong Province. Saturday, July 29th around 5PM.

Always carry your camera

2007-03-30T06:25:00.000-04:00

This is why I always carry my camera.

As I left the office today (for the last time!) I was mobbed by a roving band of McDonald’s bags.

Suddenly my professional future doesn’t seem all that dim.

Onward

2007-03-28T05:43:00.000-04:00

I’m leaving my job at the end of this week. My company asked me to move to Guangzhou to be closer to our client's office. Despite the city’s many delights (spicy food, smog, motorcycle thieves who cut off your fingers with lawn shearers,) I said no.

Luckily advertising professionals are a fungible resource (like cotton or oil or pork bellies!), so I was able to find another, largely similar job at a competitive agency here in Shanghai. The new job won’t involve as much travel. This is a great relief after almost 3 years of watching my youth fade in antiseptic airport lounges and charmless corporate hotels.

The upside of the new job is the free time before the new job. I’m going to Beijing this Sunday to take an intensive Mandarin language course for an entire month. I’ll have the same mobile phone number and personal email. I’ll try to update my progress here.

Here’s a powerfully inspirational photo Todd took of me during his visit to Shanghai. I’d like to imagine I’m leading the proletariat to victory over the capitalist running dogs – but the glass of champagne in the foreground kinda ruins the visual integrity.

Anyway, more soon.

New Socks

2007-03-26T06:39:00.000-04:00

Everyone should buy Bob’s new book. You may want to order now to avoid the murderous human stampedes at Wal-Mart.

He wrote it AND illustrated it. The reviews are terrific.

If you want to see some bad reviews you can see my book here. Cheryl Ferry from Chicago called it “a complete waste of time.”

Spring

2007-03-23T06:07:00.000-04:00

Spring is almost here.

This photo is from a park near the office. People (mainly old men) bring their pet birds in cages to hang from the branches. They position the birds so they can’t see each other -- so the birds sing like crazy. Depending on your perspective, it’s either a strangely ethereal, poetic scene or a fucking noisy racket.

Come to think of it, everything in China falls into one of those categories.

Me, Todd, Emil and Lei Feng

2007-03-20T06:47:00.000-04:00

The entrance to Juan’s building always features some well-illustrated admonition to “keep a harmonious neighborhood” or “cooperate for a better city.” Far from aspiring to such anodyne niceties, I’d be happy if the locals didn’t toss their garbage out the window like we live in some squalid medieval village.

In this photo you’ll see myself, Todd and Emil (recently visiting from San Francisco) contemplating the life lessons of revolutionary hero Lei Feng. He’s the quintessential Chinese everyman who, despite being orphaned and penniless, joined the PLA and gave everything to the poor. While his death (killed by a falling pole) might not be the stuff of epic poems, Mao singled him out as an example of a most noble adherent of Mao Zedong Thought.

In other news, Todd and Emil were perfect houseguests – going so far as to help clean up after the birthday party. While collecting garbage at 3AM is maybe not as heroic as getting smacked by a pole, they have my utmost appreciation.

Hopefully they’ll come again soon. After visiting cultural highpoints like this, who wouldn’t?

Next stop: Tonga!

Birthday

2007-03-20T06:27:00.000-04:00

Juan’s birthday was a few weeks ago. We had a party to celebrate for he and Quentin (whose actual birthday is this week.) Lots of people came. It was nice.

We had chocolates with the Juan and Quentin’s face printed on them (pictured here.)

You can have anything made in Shanghai.

Kuala Lumpur

2007-03-14T05:41:00.000-04:00

After visiting Juan’s family in Teluk Intan we spent a few days in Kuala Lumpur.

It’s a pleasant city. Relatively clean, seemingly sedate and well air-conditioned. It’s an interesting mix of peoples, languages and cultures – Malay Muslims, Chinese and Indians.

Most importantly super-lux real estate is cheap, cheap, CHEAP (compared to NYC and Shanghai, at least.) I’m putting it on my list of places to live when I finally goes nuts and drop out of society.

The Petronas Towers are the tallest twin towers in the world – quite remarkable and less gaudy than I imagined. We visited the observation deck in the bridge that spans the two towers on the 48th floor. Unfortunately it was raining so, unless you like photos of clouds and mist, there’s not much to show.

We had several nice meals. Went to the National Mosque and Museum of Islamic Art (second photo.) Met up with some of Juan’s friends. Sat by the pool.

The first photo was taken from the rooftop restaurant at the Trader's Hotel. It's got the perfect view.

Gross

2007-03-12T06:56:00.000-04:00

In my marketing career I’ve sold some pretty loathesome things. Tooth-rotting sugar water. Landfill hogging disposable doo-dads. Tubs of “edible” triple-bleached goo.

However I’ve never enabled a culinary atrocity of this magnitude.

A mashed potatoes and gravy vending machine. I think my life will be complete if I never see instant gravy squirt out of a machine.

“Mmm… Simply delicious!”

Gross.

Juan

2007-03-12T06:28:00.000-04:00

Here’s a photo of Juan at his family’s house in Teluk Intan. It was February 18th around 4PM.

We just got through playing badminton with his nephews. I suck at badminton. Also, it's a million degrees and humid.

Teluk Intan

2007-03-12T06:19:00.000-04:00

Juan and I spent Chinese New Year with his family in his hometown of Teluk Intan, a small town about 3 hours north of Kuala Lumpur. The landscape around it is beautiful, lush and tropical with expansive rivers and endless palm oil plantations.

The town also features a notable regional tourist attraction, a leaning tower (pictured.) There’s some kind of story. I can’t remember.

Juan’s family was extremely kind and generous – and insisted on feeding me about every 30 minutes. Language wasn’t an issue as my mouth with constantly stuffed with food.

Here are some photos. The second photo is a Hindu temple. The third photo shows the brilliant blue sky – nice to see after months of China smog.

Thank you for waiting

2007-03-12T05:41:00.000-04:00

Okay, I’m back.

I know it’s been well over a month since I posted here. During my absence a few things happened:

Chinese New Year
It’s like a Chinese version of Christmas with cash instead of presents, pork instead of Santa, and two weeks of ear-shattering fireworks instead of two months of soulless seasonal Muzak.

Juan and Quentin’s birthday party
Lots of people came and drank our booze. We had chocolates with Juan’s face printed on them. Julu hid in the closet.

Travel
Malaysia for Spring Festival (Chinese New Year); then some work trips to Guangzhou and Hong Kong.

Work
After some hand-wringing and self indulgent “what am I meant to do with my life?” soul-searching, I’ve decided to switch jobs. I’ll still be in Shanghai, but without the weekly trips to my favorite South China ‘berg. I hope I never see the Hongqiao airport at 5:45AM ever again.

The photo is the view from Juan’s balcony. The fireworks are to celebrate the last night of the Spring Festival. The brightly-lit building on the left is the post office. There's a stamp museum there.

Back soon

2007-03-05T03:21:00.000-05:00

I know, I know. I haven’t posted in over a month.

Lots happening here. Chinese New Year. Visitors. Another case of food poisoning. Mundane career drama too boring to recount.

I’ll try to catch up over the next few days.

In the meantime, please enjoy more Julu-inspired art photography.

Smoking

2007-01-24T09:20:00.000-05:00

I’m in Hong Kong today.

Recently my corporate travel deparment decided I should start smoking because, despite repeated instructions to the contrary, they insist on putting me into hotel rooms designated for smokers.

The problem with these hotel rooms is that everyone who stays in them smokes – creating the pleasant ambiance of an Atlantic City bingo parlor at 4AM. In my current room the smell is so overpowering I feel the wallpaper must have long since worn away, replaced only by a thick sheet of nicotine and tar. I’ll probably have to go on the patch when I check out.

After work I went on a quest to find Gillette “Fusion” blades for a friend in Shanghai. Since the blade refills cost about as much as the average Chinese worker earns in 40 years, they haven’t started selling them yet on the Mainland. Sadly, no luck finding them here either.

Here’s a photo I took this evening walking around Causeway Bay. The weather is nice here now. Cool, but pleasant and clear.

I’m taking the train to Guangzhou tomorrow. Then back to Shanghai tomorrow night.

Hot, so hot

2007-01-24T08:53:00.001-05:00

I was in Singapore last week for work (always work.)

It was hotter than the hinges of hell. 85 degrees at 10:30AM. So humid it was like wading through a vat of warm Vaseline.

My co-workers who live in Singapore were quick to assure me, “This is nothing. It gets much hotter.” Oy.

Here are some snaps walking back to the hotel from a meeting. Stick your head in a convection oven to experience the full effect.

Killer party

2007-01-24T01:55:00.000-05:00

Juan hosted a lunch for his creative team at his house on Sunday. We had Indonesian food and played a game called “Murderer.”

The rules seemed about as simple as a brain transplant. Everyone took a card. Depending on your card you were either a judge, policeman, murderer or a peasant. (I, typically, was a peasant.) Then everyone proceeded to scream at each other in Mandarin for two hours.

Since my Mandarin is limited to my address, ordering chicken dumplings and baby-talk names for the cat – I was quickly eliminated.

Luckily this gave me more time to stand around the buffet shovelling my face with beef rendang. The food was terrific.

Conehead

2007-01-24T01:42:00.000-05:00

Someone had, eh, minor elective surgery last week.

He didn’t like the conehead but it managed to stay on most of the time.

New camera

2007-01-09T22:24:00.000-05:00

I got a really nice new camera for Christmas.

Here's a photo from this morning. He's getting big.

View from my window

2007-01-08T23:12:00.000-05:00

Here's the view from my hotel window last Thursday morning in Beijing around 8:30 AM.

Despite presently having all of the aesthetic charms of Detroit in the 1970s, Beijing is developing a lot of cutting-edge architecture as part of the preparation for the 2008 Olympics. In the distance you can see the CCTV building under construction. When it's finished it will look like this.

Comments appreciated

2007-01-08T05:39:00.000-05:00

Charles wins the "Most Frequent Contributor Award" for 2006 on this website. The prize includes a no expenses paid trip to visit ME! Truly a prestigious honor.

Todd and my mother are a close second.

The race is on for 2007 -- so please leave a comment when you can. It will compensate for all the validation I never received in high school.

New Year's Eve

2007-01-08T05:30:00.000-05:00

We went to the Meiji Shrine to bring in the New Year (along with a zillion other tourists.)

It was nice. We ate fish on a stick and toasted with sake.

Tokyo

2007-01-08T05:02:00.000-05:00

Wow. Tokyo is like being in a super-dense, clean, well-lit, not-too-distant future. Also, if the Machines ever rise up to destroy humanity, they surely will be led by the amazingly high-tech Japanese toilets – a wonder to behold. Our hotel’s offered an electrically heated toilet seat and the option to, ahem, “wash, blow and go.”

We had a pretty casual time. Walked around. Ate tonkatsu. Shopped. Juan took photos of “interesting surfaces” like pothole covers and concrete walls. On New Year’s Day we went to a shrine (or temple… someone please explain the difference) and said some prayers with all of the old people.

It’s only a two and a half hour flight so hopefully I’ll be back soon.

I've included a photo of a random street scene from our neighborhood, the futuristic Prada store (designed by the same architects currently designing the Olympic Stadium in Beijing,) a view of the Tokyo Tower from an observation deck, and Juan's reflection in a window in Roppongi Hills.

Kyoto

2007-01-05T20:25:00.000-05:00

The trip from Kyoto to Nara is quick – a bit more than hour on the train.

Kyoto is an amazing place. Beautiful scenery. Temples and shrines everywhere.

You can pay someone to dress you as a Geisha so we saw a lot of Japanese tourist women mincing around in kimonos, white make-up and those strange wooden flip-flops. (Second photo)

We stayed at another ryokan. Nice, but not as charming as the place in Nara. Our dinner included “cod milt.” (It’s better not to ask.)

Tanuki

2007-01-03T02:15:00.000-05:00

Here’s a photo of me with some Tanuki in Kyoto – they’re an omnipresent piece of kitsch in many of the parts of Japanland we visited.

What’s a “Tanuki?” I finally looked it up:

(abridged)

“Tanuki statues are found everywhere around Japan, especially outside restaurants and bars, where the Tanuki beckons drinkers and dinners to enter. The beckoning Tanuki is most often depicted with a big round tummy, gigantic testicles, a flask of sake, a promissory note, and a straw hat.”

Also, according to this disturbingly unappetizing Japanese legend, “[Tanuki] can cast powerful illusions -- they can turn leaves into fake money or horse excrement into a delicious-looking dinner.”

I think it’s better to stick to one of those waving cats.

Kankaso

2007-01-02T23:01:00.000-05:00

We stayed at a terrific ryokan (traditional inn) called Kankaso in Nara. It’s near the Todaiji Temple and surrounded by a quiet and lush private garden.

The accommodations are simple but elegant – just tatami and a table. The hostess serves meals in your room and pulls the table away at bedtime to lay out mats on the floor.

The first photo is our breakfast of rice, miso, tofu, grilled fish and some pickled vegetables. The next photo is an exterior shot of our room. The last is the main entrance.

Todaiji Temple

2007-01-02T03:51:00.000-05:00

On Christmas morning we got up early and headed to Nara to see the Todaiji Temple, the world’s largest wooden building featuring the world’s largest bronze-gilded Buddha and surrounded by the world’s peskiest deer.

It’s quite a site – one of Japan’s greatest treasures of antiquity infested with a bunch of tame deer mooching food from the tourists and shitting all over the place.

I lit some incense and prayed for the deer’s demise. Sadly, nothing.

Osaka

2007-01-02T03:04:00.000-05:00

Big. Modern. Crazy neon a-plenty. Despite being Shonen Knife's favorite town, Osaka doesn’t offer so much for tourists. We spent the first day walking around and had dinner at a yakitori place. On the 24th we made a vain attempt to find the Noguchi design store and then wandered among the throng of shoppers in Dotonbori. The weather was cold but clear.

For Christmas Eve we ate at a crab restaurant (see below.)

Here are some random street scenes.

Christmas morning

2007-01-02T01:50:00.000-05:00

Here's the view from the window on Christmas morning in Osaka around 7:30AM.

We ate at the restaurant with the giant neon crab the night before. I wasn't much of a crab fan but I think I'm changing my mind.

Japan

2006-12-22T04:28:00.000-05:00

We're going here tomorrow. I don't think my phone will work so leave me a message on Skype if you need me.

Don't worry. Someone is taking care of the cat.

Merry Christmas!

(Also, they're "upgrading" Blogger so my line spaces disappear. Please forgive the poor formatting.)

Golden throat

2006-12-20T23:03:00.000-05:00

It's cold here now and I've had something of a cough so I've been using these throat lozenges. The photo of the founder on the box is hilarious -- it looks like it was photo ID day at the factory and someone forgot to comb his hair.

On the package it states in English, "Actions and uses : Coursing wind and cleaning heat, resolving toxins and disinhibiting throat, transforming turbidity with aroma."

I don't know if I'll like having my "turbidity transformed" -- especially with "aroma."

View from my window

2006-12-20T05:07:00.000-05:00

Taken during lunch at the Grand Hyatt hotel in Pudong, Shanghai. Saturday, December 16th around 11:30AM.

Merry Christmas

2006-12-19T03:08:00.000-05:00

Juan wanted to send a digital Christmas card to everyone.

Here's his version:
Now here's my improved version:Anyway, Merry Christmas!

Shanghai Christmas

2006-12-17T23:42:00.000-05:00

My mom asked me to post of photo of my Christmas tree. It's not exactly traditional. Ornaments are difficult to find here so it's decorated mainly with fake Prada and Louis Vuitton key chains. Plus, it's black -- to conform to someone's strictly refined aesthetic sensibilities.

This photo is several days old so there are more presents now.

The demon-eyed cat featured at bottom knocked it over a few times, but it seems to have retained most of its Christmasy cheer.

Pearl Tower ready for launch

2006-12-17T23:17:00.000-05:00

After a Saturday morning trip to the dentist at the Jinmao Tower (a dental practice that ominously advertises “Over 100+ years of German dental experience!”), I took a few snaps of some construction sites in Pudong.

The building in the first photo is the fast rising Shanghai World Financial Center. When it’s finished it will be the world’s tallest building (at least until this is done.)

The last two images I find a bit surreal – a shattered, dystopic sci-fi landscape of industrialization gone madly awry. Plus it looks like the Pearl Oriental Tower is about to be launched into space! Zoom!

Muji cities

2006-12-17T22:22:00.000-05:00

We were out shopping for Christmas gifts Saturday and found these cityscape blocks at Muji. This prompted a feeble attempt at some personal art photography.

The first city is Paris, next is New York and then Tokyo (where I'll be in a couple of weeks.) I was too cheap to buy Hong Kong and London. Unfortunately they didn't have Shanghai.

This morning some of the little cars and buses were missing -- almost certainly spirited away by the relatively gigantic Julu the Cat.

Merry Christmas

2006-12-14T02:04:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas from the Hong Kong airport. Friday, December 8th around 10:00PM.

Julu's trip to the store

2006-12-12T04:38:00.000-05:00

Julu made a trip to the inexplicably named “Naughty Family” animal clinic and pet store for vaccinations on Sunday. He tried to hide in Juan’s coat and then got so nervous he wet himself. Otherwise he was a trooper – no major freak-outs.

Despite all the fears and prejudices that the phrase “Chinese Pet Store” conjures, the facility was clean, modern and there wasn’t a restaurant attached.

The second photo is a shaggy dog in the industrial pet dryer. Seeing this in action is a deeply, deeply hilarious thing. The last photo is Julu’s quite heart-breaking attempt to hide.

Everything turned out okay and I think he’s fully recovered from his latest “Naughty Family” trauma.

I wish I could say the same.

Drumroll please

2006-12-12T04:26:00.000-05:00

I was in Taipei last week for work. I didn’t see much except the inside of the office and the freeway on the never-ending drive to/from the airport. That said, the weather was almost perfect – warm and breezy. It’s a nice time of year to visit Taiwan “Province” if you’re in the neighborhood.

Taipei was having a city election during my visit, so when I took this photo you could hear partisans banging drums and yelling into loudspeakers. The drumming and yelling continued all day, providing a droning syncopated rhythm to my presentation.

In unrelated news, today I’m announcing the withdrawal of my support for Taiwan’s DPP.

Here’s the view from my office. Before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, the swastika on the building is red, backwards and a Buddhist symbol for prosperity.

Guangzhou - Shenzhen - Hong Kong

2006-12-12T01:27:00.000-05:00

Last Wednesday I took the train between Guangzhou and Hong Kong. It's only two hours -- quicker than flying.

The train goes through Shenzhen (I snapped some photos from the train.) 15 years ago it was a sleepy fishing village, today it's a hectic burg of 7.5 million people. It's China's richest city and the home to the erstwhile Shenzhen Cat Meatball Restaurant.

View from my window

2006-12-11T05:36:00.000-05:00

From the China Hotel, Guangzhou. Wednesday morning, December 6th around 7:30AM.

Featured

2006-11-30T05:36:00.000-05:00

A reporter asked to photograph Juan’s apartment for an article she’s writing on his building. Here are some photos from the shoot. Nice, right?

The building is something of a Shanghai landmark. It’s right on Suzhou Creek and was constructed for British diplomats during the Concession era. There are high ceilings, balconies and near perfect views of the space-age Pudong skyline.

The building’s residents are a mix of local Chinese living in ramshackle sub-divided units and yuppie (mainly expat) hipsters who are buying places and renovating. Gentrification continues its inexorable march – even here.

Back in Shanghai

2006-11-29T06:07:00.000-05:00

I haven’t posted for awhile. I travelled quite a bit recently – Chicago, New York, Guangzhou and then next week I'm back to Guangzhou, Hong Kong and then Taipei. I’m leading an internal company training course. I’m not much of a teacher. I don’t like standing up for that long.

Juan and I are going to Japan for Christmas. To here and here and here and then staying here on New Year's Eve in Tokyo. Everyone assures me it will be really, really cold.

We’re staying in a traditional ryokan for part of the trip. Considering the price per night, I hope to bring back stories of mink pajamas, diamond-encrusted toilets and a milk-and-honey koi pond.

I visited Todd when he lived in Japan over 10 years ago. My vague memories include the tanuki den, “electric” bath and visiting Osaka’s own Harvard Club. Good times. I hope the tanuki haven’t turned feral.

The photo is from the coffee shop at the Shanghai Hongqiao airport last week. It was early and I was really tired and burnt out.

Brooklyn

2006-11-24T05:32:00.000-05:00

I made it back to New York last week – transiting through on my way to Chicago for a conference. Apologies to everyone I didn’t have time to see.

It was good to be home, drink decent coffee, watch “The Daily Show” and breath the sweet, sweet air of freedom.

Here are some photos from the roof deck of my building. The light in the autumn is spectacular in the city.

I miss it. But it’s good to be back.

Farm fresh

2006-11-24T05:14:00.000-05:00

If you’re ever at the Incheon Airport in Seoul, and you’ve got a hankering for frozen pudding with a barnyard twist – I know the place.

Finally

2006-11-10T00:44:00.000-05:00

I’m very confident the Internet doesn’t need any more political commentary in the wake of Tuesday’s election, so I’ll keep my comments to a minimum.

Simply:

IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME.

Last night

2006-11-10T00:15:00.000-05:00

The weather’s been beautiful here – 60something degrees, no rain, pleasant. It’s too warm to feel like fall.

I ate at a restaurant on the river promenade last night. Here was the view after dinner.

Julu

2006-11-09T00:59:00.000-05:00

I have a cat now.

On Sunday afternoon Juan and I were walking next to the park near Julu Road when this furball came out from under the bushes.

He was crying and hungry and came right up to us. Initially we were just going to give him some food and then leave him. But he started following us… The rest is history.

Juan took him to the vet and everything seems to be okay.

As for a name, my suggestion was “Mao Rou Jiaozi” (“Cat Meat Dumpling.”) This was quickly voted down.

We decided to call him “Julu.”

Path of construction

2006-11-03T02:20:00.000-05:00

They’ve started the façade work on the houses in my alley and the entire place is caged in bamboo like some kind of Vietcong POW camp. My landlord sent me an SMS to tell me that this Saturday the workers will be “ripping off my roof tiles.” That sounds peaceful.

When it’s finished it will look like the bottom photo. I don’t like it. Much too garishly red “Storytime Village” for me. I think the bricks are only painted on.

I’ll post a photo after it’s done.

Dan and Jeff

2006-11-01T23:53:00.000-05:00

My friends Dan and Jeff visited from New York last week. We had a great time and I think they were fairly impressed with Shanghai (reportedly not as much with smog-tastically cultural Beijing.) We did the typical tourist stuff – went here and here and here.

This photo is taken here.

It was terrific to have them in Shanghai – and they earn big kudos for being my first houseguests from the US. They’re definitely invited back anytime. (The rest of you are officially on notice.)

Banned again

2006-11-01T06:27:00.000-05:00

I’m officially banned in China again. The same day they allowed access to the English-language Wikipedia site, they started censoring the Blogspot domain name. This means I can still post through Blogger, but I can’t view my site directly.

Who knew wacky, clichéd anecdotes were a mortal threat to the regime and our newly “harmonious socialist society?” Such is the lonely life of this capitalist running-dog. Sigh.

The censorship is just plain petty, really. You can use a proxy server like this one to get around the firewall. But using a proxy server means I have to view the content through frames with banner ads beckoning me to “Meet Sexy Singles in Your Area!” and “Find Someone to Fuck Anywhere in the World!” I try to keep my little piece of the Internet filth-free, but oh well.

I added this photo because it’s a classic Internet find (thanks Lexy!), and I still think it’s so hilarious. That cat's expression is pure comedy gold!

Delicious pig face

2006-11-01T05:52:00.000-05:00

There’s a butcher shop near the entrance to my alley. Every day as I walk to work it’s a gruesome display of animal limbs, heads, tongues and assorted odds-and-ends ready for the wok. It’s right across the street from the “King of Duck Necks” fast food stand – so you can practically build your own mammal nose to tail.

My favorite: delicious pig face. (see left in top photo) The face. Of a pig. Peeled off and shrink-wrapped. Apparently it’s meant to go into a stew. Or as an option for low/no-cost face lifts.

In other food news, my friend Karla was at a farmer’s market (not so quaint, it’s in front of the Ritz-Carlton) and met a French guy who delivers fresh organic yogurt to your apartment every week. She brought me some and it’s quite delicious. So next time you’re in Shanghai and you wonder “where can I find a French guy to deliver fresh organic yogurt to my apartment every week?” I know the place.

Also, it’s Hairy Crab Season here! Everyone is talking about it: kind of a mix between a Chinese national holiday and Red Lobster’s Lobsterfest. Autumn is when they harvest them, and while everyone says they’re delicious, I’m sure eating the sucker is like some nightmare from 7th grade biology class. I'll let everyone know if I work up the courage.

Happy Halloween

2006-10-27T07:07:00.000-04:00

I carved a Jack O' Lantern at Juan's house. Here's a photo with a view from his balcony.

I tried to make it look like Rick Santorum. I don't think I captured the face, but the hollow, soulless cynicism is perfect.

Also, I couldn't find a proper pumpkin -- it's actually more of a gourd. And it's yellow instead of orange.

No big Halloween plans here. China's version of Halloween candy would probably include pork so I'm not too disappointed.

Brunch

2006-10-20T05:57:00.000-04:00

This was brunch last Sunday. It's a mandarin fish with sweet and sour sauce. The Chinese call it "Squirrel Fish" because when it's sliced and fried it looks like a squirrel. (Kinda.)

Nothing to comment really. Just thought the photo looked cool.

Singapore last week

2006-10-20T05:41:00.000-04:00

It’s been a few days since I’ve posted. Busy. So busy.

Ask anyone who’s been to Singapore and they’ll tell you, “It’s so clean!”

Yes, it’s very clean. It’s got spotless avenues and palm trees and humidity and malls, malls, malls. Southeast Asia’s version of San Diego except for the thick soup of Indonesian brush fire haze.

There’s a giant sign at airport customs that says “Death for Drug Traffickers.” Eep.

Luckily I quit my part-time job as a heroin mule to pursue my boyhood dream of becoming a middle-management marketing professional.

I didn’t see much of the city. Here’s a few snaps. The view from my hotel room. Outside one of the malls. The sunflower garden at the airport (this airport has everything!)

View from my window

2006-10-20T03:56:00.000-04:00

Singapore, last Wednesday, October 11 around 9AM from the elevator bank at the M Hotel.

Maglev

2006-10-09T12:28:00.000-04:00

I’m back on the road. Arrived in Shanghai yesterday and then left this morning to catch a 5 hour flight to Singapore for a meeting tomorrow. (No delays. Singapore Airlines is terrific.)

Since I only had one bag and some extra time, I decided to take the subway to the Maglev train that goes to the airport.

The Maglev train is a typical state-sponsored boondoggle – it cost a zillion dollars to build and goes from the airport to nowhere-in-particular way on the other side of town. The Chinese government contracted Siemens to build it so they could reverse engineer it and co-opt the technology – typical of the information “sharing” agreements that some foreign companies get mired in here.

That said, it is the world’s fastest commercial train – so I had to give it a go.

My experience? It’s a really, really, really fast train (over 460 kph.)

I made it to the airport early enough to have lunch and call my friend Jill in LA. She said she was in the kitchen making something called “Jilly Beans.” She described it as some kind of pickled beans – reportedly really easy to make. I will let everyone know when Jilly Beans debut in Shanghai.

Boracay moments

2006-10-09T11:12:00.000-04:00

Just a few more snaps from Boracay. The first photo is the reception at the spa we stayed at. The second photo is on the beach at dusk (really incredible), and the next photo is a sailboat that anchored next to our restaurant during high tide.

On the island

2006-10-09T11:05:00.000-04:00

On Sunday we left the nuttiness of Manila and flew 45 minutes to Kalibo. After a 2 hour drive we arrived in Catican. We then boarded a Mad Max-style watercraft for the 10 minute trip to Boracay.

The island is ticky-tacky tropical but lovely nonetheless. The beach is gorgeous with fine white sand and crystal blue water. There are no cars on the island, instead people travel by “tricycle” – a motorbike with a sidecar welded on.

There wasn’t a lot to do really other than rest, read, sit on the beach, get massages, eat unimaginative vegetarian fare and then make excuses for not going to my daily yoga class. I had some vague ambition of trying to get certified as a scuba diver, but someone told me it requires some kind of math examination component. I try not to be dogmatic but NO MATH ON HOLIDAY is one of my most treasured principles.

It was a terrific vacation. We returned to Manila on Saturday and then made it back to Shanghai yesterday afternoon.

In Manila

2006-10-09T10:31:00.000-04:00

We (I travelled with my friend Juan) arrived in Manila last Friday about 24 hours after the typhoon hit. The electricity was out in most of the city, there were no traffic lights and uprooted trees were strewn everywhere. Also, I was suffering from my own gastrointestinal typhoon courtesy of food poisoning from some TOXIC chicken salad ordered from here.

You better believe I was in a TERRIFIC MOOD upon arrival.

Luckily, things got better fast. Juan has some friends who live in Manila and work at the Asian Development Bank, so they graciously picked us up, gave us a place to stay and drove us around. Manila is a typically ramshackle, sprawling, third-world metropolis. There are slums and chic malls and penniless women with kids begging and kitschy religious iconography and Starbucks.

On Saturday we went around town. First to Makati (the rich malls, banks ‘n expats district) then to Malate, which was described as Manila’s version of Greenwich Village. Later we had dinner at a trendy Thai place. Someone said that Imelda Marcos hangs out there, but unfortunately we didn’t see her. We did see a woman with so much plastic surgery I actually thought it was Michael Jackson. (Sadly no photo.)

I took the first photo from the apartment building we stayed in – witness the traffic chaos caused by the power outage. In the second photo is a “Jeepney,” Manila’s owner-operated public transport. The locals took the jeeps the Americans left after World War II and converted them into buses. The third photo is a street in Malate.

I tried to get a photo of some typhoon carnage but nothing turned out. Next time.

China Daily

2006-09-28T05:36:00.000-04:00

At some point in everyone's life, you must ask yourself: "How happy is Tianjin?"

(Answer: only so-so happy.)

How happy is Tianjin?
(China Daily)Updated: 2006-09-28 08:56

About 40 per cent of residents in Tianjin think they are happy, according to a survey of 535 people by the local academy of educational science.
Most of them viewed having a happy family, an ideal career with a considerable income and a house of their own as key to their well-being.
Generally, men felt happier than women. The indexes of happiness are higher for those above age 30 and those working for more than 10 years.

Manila

2006-09-28T05:13:00.000-04:00

I’m supposed to go here tomorrow and then here on Sunday. There’s a (weakening) typhoon so wish me luck at the airport.

Everyone seems to agree I need a vacation. While I appreciate the candor, I’m tired of being told I look “tired.” Surely a combination of recent 12 hour work days and my all-Diet Coke office diet.

I expect to come back refreshed and relieved of my middle-manager malaise. I’ll try to post when I’m there.

Feelings

2006-09-27T07:07:00.000-04:00

Here's a clothing store in my neighborhood called "England Amorous Feelings." I think it sounds more like some soccer hooligan's mood after too many pints of Guinness.

There's another store called "Guangdong Tasty Socks," but I always forget to take the photo. Next time.

None of the above

2006-09-26T07:35:00.000-04:00

Want another great reason to be in China? The US midterm election is coming! Unfortunately the information superhighway runs through Shanghai, so (except for the counter-revolutionary BBC) I can indulge in political news, polls and information. About the same time you’re headed for bed, I’m already reading the early edition and bemoaning the putrid state of American political discourse.

As much satisfaction as I’d derive by seeing the Republicans have their asses handed to them because of, ummm, let’s see: 1) THIS FUCKING DISASTEROUS WAR, 2) the largest expansion in the size of government since LBJ’s Great Society, 3) K Street sleaziness, 4) Brownie’s heckuva job, and 5) their soulless, cynical manipulations of almost every cultural “wedge” issue – I’m holding off on my usual pointless partisan agitating.

That’s because I’ve discovered a new career: Conservative Pundit!

You might ask, “Isn’t political punditry an intellectual cesspool, the sole domain of idiots whose only qualifications are equal levels of conviction and ignorance?” Yes! But it’s also EASY, and I have a system that’s just so crazy it just might work!

I’ll just take the various speeches and anthems devoted to another Dear Leader and find/replace with President Bush! (Also, I’ll swap out “socialism” with “capitalism” and “Ju-che” (rough translation: “self reliance”) with “Jenna” (rough translation: “drunken Presidential spawn.”)

From Paek-du mountains, 1000km long beautiful realm
All look up to the President and cheer him.
He is the people's leader to inherit the great work of the Sun.
Long live, long live President George W. Bush !

Millions of flowers on the earth tell us his love.
Blue waves of the ocean sing of his work.
He is the creator of happiness to grow the garden of Jenna.
Long live, long live, President George W. Bush !

He protects capitalism with his courage like steel.
He makes our country famous in the world.
He is the defender of justice with a flag of autonomy.
Long live, long live, President George W. Bush !

Pretty awesome, right? I think I got the tone and level of sycophancy perfect. I don't mean to threaten, but if you don't like it -- the TERRORISTS WIN!

Someone send Roger Ailes my resume. Maybe I can have the slot on Fox News after the screaming moron and before the self-righteous asshole.

Restarting

2006-09-26T06:48:00.000-04:00

This afternoon my laptop politely informed me that it would be “Restarting in 5 minutes to install system updates.” A timer started ticking down. It gave me two choices: “Restart now” or “Restart later.” “Restart never because I’m busy and don’t have time for your Windows bullshit” was sadly not an option.

I clicked “Restart later.”

Ten minutes later the message reappeared.

“Restart later.”

After a bit, again.

“Restart later.” ARGH!!! After a solemn personal pledge that I WILL NEVER, EVER LET THE MACHINE TELL ME WHEN TO RESTART BECAUSE I’M THE HUMAN AND THAT MAKES ME THE BOSS – the fucker restarted itself when I was in the bathroom.

After countless years spending my work days in some artificially lit cubicle farm chained to some crummy Wintel laptop, it finally makes sense: I’m no longer in charge. The machines have taken over my life. They have become the masters and now I must do their bidding.

They ring. I answer. They beep. I respond. They crash. I moan and cry.

They tell me when they would like to restart, rolling their digital eyes and thinking “0100011001101001.” (Translation: “WHATEVER!”)

I think I need a holiday. Luckily I'm going here on Friday.

(Here’s an unrelated picture taken a few weeks ago. It's me with a puppy. I added some soft focus to make it extra cute. I don’t remember the puppy’s name, but he was delicious. (Kidding!))

Non-stop

2006-09-25T22:51:00.000-04:00

Continental Airlines has applied to start non-stop service from Newark to Shanghai starting this fall. There's currently not a non-stop flight between NYC and Shanghai -- this means sucky, flightmarish transfers in Beijing, Tokyo or Chicago.

Please sign their petition in support.

Moons over Shanghammy

2006-09-22T07:05:00.000-04:00

There are festive boxes everywhere in the office today. This means only one thing:

Happy Mooncake Festival everyone!

What’s a “Mooncake Festival?” Using the amazing power of the INTERNET, I looked it up:

Every year on the fifteenth day of the eighth month of the lunar calendar, when the moon is at its maximum brightness for the entire year, the Chinese celebrate "zhong qiu jie." Children are told the story of the moon fairy living in a crystal palace, who comes out to dance on the moon's shadowed surface. The legend surrounding the "lady living in the moon" dates back to ancient times, to a day when ten suns appeared at once in the sky. The Emperor ordered a famous archer to shoot down the nine extra suns. Once the task was accomplished, Goddess of Western Heaven rewarded the archer with a pill that would make him immortal. However, his wife found the pill, took it, and was banished to the moon as a result.

Moon fairies? Crystal palaces? Nine suns? This makes Santa and the North Pole look like a pile of puke. Take THAT Christmas!

Initially I was super excited about this festival because any celebration with “cake” in the name is okay by me. Sadly, like every rose has its thorn or every Bush has its George, every mooncake has some gross surprise like a whole duck egg yolk, lotus bean paste or meat.

Meat cakes. Yuck.

(Of course I’ve been eating them all day.)

China Daily

2006-09-21T02:10:00.000-04:00

Another groundbreaking scoop from my new favorite newspaper:

Woman hurts ankle due to seeing teens kissing
(China Daily)Updated: 2006-09-21 09:07

An elderly woman was so shocked to see two middle school students kissing each other in public that she fell on the ground and hurt her ankle.

The woman, surnamed Wang, aged 62, passed by a bus station in downtown Qingdao on Tuesday morning and suddenly spotted two school students, both aged about 15, kissing each other for a long time even though many people stood beside them waiting for buses.

Wang was so shocked at what she had seen that she failed to notice a hole on the ground, falling and slightly injuring her ankle.

The story declines to mention that the woman, surnamed Wang, was later run over by the truck that crashed due to the massive bee attack (see earlier post.)

Finest movie featuring Ringo Starr ever

2006-09-20T06:22:00.000-04:00

My friend Bob just made a movie in his basement featuring puppets, environmentally sustainable architecture and Ringo Starr.

It's not as sordid as it sounds. (In fact, it's terrific!)

He's also a writer and illustrator whose oeuvre includes anthropomorphic pickles, anthropomorphic pies and anthropomorphic pickles hungry for pie (at right.)

Sunday

2006-09-19T23:59:00.000-04:00

The weather is much cooler now. (Yay.) These are some snaps from a walk around the city on Sunday afternoon.

I have a flower on my head

2006-09-19T02:57:00.000-04:00

There was a parade in Shanghai near my house on Saturday night. Like every festival and holiday here, I never quite understand what everyone is celebrating. Someone simply informed me: "It's a parade to celebrate tourism!" Eh, okay.

On my way to dinner with some friends, I noticed someone had left a pile of flower and vegetable costume heads unattended.

This is me. I think it's a flower. Or maybe a peach. Hopefully it didn't have cooties.

Child safety

2006-09-19T02:46:00.000-04:00

My niece and nephew get strapped into the mini-van with such complicated safety aparatuses I feel sure they could be launched into orbit without a scratch.

So it's a bit disconcerting to see kids on motorbikes and bicycles clutching onto handlebars, rear seats and, in this case, a basket. One thing I notice: the kids are always so well behaved. No screaming. No crying. No squirming. Just a benign, blissful gaze at everything that's happening. That, and perfect balance.

China Daily

2006-09-15T01:22:00.000-04:00

The China Daily (or as I like to call it, "Everything's Terrific!") is the English-language newspaper here. The paper features a particularly amusing section called "News from Around China." Typical stories include comically bungled robberies, peasants who get rich somehow and, recently, a woman who crashed her car while teaching her dog how to drive.

I'll try to post some of the more hilarious stories here. Starting with this one involving "massive bees."

Bees cause truck to crash, damaging road
(China Daily)Updated: 2006-09-13 10:00

An expressway from Mianyang to Guangyuan of Sichuan Province had to be closed for about 2 hours last week due to an accident caused by massive bees flying over the section.

The road was seriously damaged after a truck, fully loaded with 27 tons of goods, crashed by the roadside and fell 30 metres, though no one was seriously injured.

The accident occurred when the truck's driver tried to wave some bees away from his cab while driving.

West China's Metropolis News

Guangzhou, again

2006-09-14T10:10:00.000-04:00

I’m back in Guangzhou tonight. I decided against room service and ventured out. I ate at a Chinese fast food place called “Kung Fu” (photo at right.) I ate the beef. Or rather, I hope it was beef.

The counter woman couldn’t understand my Mandarin. Shui? (Water?) Qing shui? (Please, water?) Finally, in English, WATER! WATER! (Point randomly at the menu.)

I gave up. I just order tea instead. (Cha.) I suppose my pronunciation is better for that. She served me a milk tea mixed with so much sugar I thought my teeth might spontaneously dissolve. Oh well.

I'm back here until tomorrow. The weather is pleasant tonight and I took a nice walk in the city. With my typical American geographic and cultural chauvinism, I’d never even heard of Guangzhou before I took this job. Early reports weren’t promising. “It’s a dump” was a typical rejoinder.

When I arrived the first time that was certainly my reaction. The smog is horrifying – it doesn’t smell but you can see it like a blanket of exhaust layered over everything. The city has a much greater urban density than Shanghai or Beijing as it’s wedged between hills and the Pearl River. Elevated highways have replaced narrow streets and directly abut crummy apartment buildings. You can sit stalled in traffic watching an old women wash dishes in a kitchen a few yards away.

But the more time I’ve spent here the more I’ve come to appreciate it. It’s got a verve and energy and a post-apocalyptic chic. I’ve walked through a few neighborhoods that have been preserved and are quite charming. The city has scads of excellent restaurants. The expat compounds are pretty lush.

Oh, and did I mention 12 million people live here? It’s one of those factoid tidbits that puts the whole China economic phenomenon into perspective. Metro Guangzhou has more than half the population of all of Australia.

The city is the capital of Guangdong Province which was the first special economic zone that liberalized trade policies and encouraged foreign investment. Now it’s the center of manufacturing in the country that’s the center of manufacturing in the world. Millions of gewgaws, tchotchkes and half the inventory of your local Wal-Mart is made in factories between here and Shenzhen. (Thus the omnipresent layer of smog.)

So it’s not a nice place to visit. And you wouldn’t want to live here. But it’s a unique economic, cultural and historical moment for China – and this is where it’s happening.

View from my taxi

2006-09-13T11:14:00.000-04:00

I snapped this out of my taxi this morning near Suzhou Creek.

Walking

2006-09-11T12:11:00.000-04:00

I’m attempting to chronicle my humdrum existence in neurotic, minute detail for the edification of future civilizations, so I thought I’d capture a few snaps from my daily routine.

Here was the scene this morning as I left my apartment. In the first photo is my address plate (on right) and view down the alley.

The next photo is my neighbor brushing his teeth. He and another guy live in tiny, cluttered room (through the red door) in bunk beds. Since they don’t have indoor plumbing they bathe in a plastic bucket wearing nothing but worn jockey shorts and an earthy, proletarian dignity. My Chinese neighbors don’t have the same modesty issues as we American folk (probably something about not being able to breathe the sweet, sweet air of freedom.) In my neighborhood underwear is considered socially-acceptable outer attire for a bicycle ride, stroll to the Lawson convenience store or state funeral.

The last photo is the intersection a few blocks away. It’s an example of the traffic that tries to kill me for no reason. Try to picture these cars honking and swerving toward you. Maybe they’re trying to hit you and harvest your kidneys. Yep, that’s it.

I made it to work exactly on time.

Hammer time

2006-09-11T11:32:00.000-04:00

The bamboo scaffolding across the walk was the first ominous sign –creating a cage-like effect when you entered the alley from the main entrance on Xiangyang Road. I suppose I was hoping that would be the extent of it. In New York scaffolding is erected as a semi-permanent structure, a vague indication that some kind of construction could happen sometime between now and the Rapture.

Today at 6:45AM my luck ran out.

It’s hammer time.

It’s also circular saw screech time. Indeterminate banging time. Metal crashing on metal time. Screaming in Shanghainese time. And, of course, my old favorite, hacking-clearing-throat-before-spitting-loogey time.

I took this photo from my balcony this morning. Imagine ear-splitting construction noise to achieve the full effect.

View from my taxi

2006-09-10T12:16:00.000-04:00

Here's a shot from my taxi on the way to work on Friday in Guangzhou.

The rain came down in a torrent and flooded the streets. It's sub-tropical there so the weather seems in a constant state of flux -- from sunny skies to "Run for the Ark!" in a matter of minutes.

I made it back to Shanghai that evening without any problems.

Good day

2006-09-02T07:37:00.000-04:00

Today was a good day. I met Juan for lunch, went to a class at the gym and then got my hair cut. Tonight out for dinner at a Moroccan place.

I took some photos. The first is the entrance to the alley that leads to my house. The second I took from a taxi. Mopeds in front of "Modern Electronics City" -- an electronics bazaar a couple blocks down the street. It's where I bought my $25 "Shinco" DVD player.

This has been visiting me a bit lately, but I seem to be better.

King of Duck Necks

2006-09-02T07:22:00.000-04:00

Got a craving for roasted, chewy duck necks but short on time? Here's "King of Duck Necks," a fast food joint across the street from the entry to my alley.

Incidentally it's also the landmark I look for when the taxi brings me home. That red sign lights up at night to the intensity of a dwarf star so it's easy to spot. I point and yell at the cab driver "zher ting!" (Stop here!) The cab driver invariably slams on the breaks oblivious to anyone behind us.

I don't yet know how to say, "Stop near the duck neck place." A little help here?

View from my window

2006-09-01T04:45:00.000-04:00

Just going through some old photos. Here's the view from my window on Tuesday morning, August 29th in Zhuhai, China.

Sermon on the 'Point

2006-09-01T03:45:00.000-04:00

As I stated here before, I spend an inordinate amount of time (read: every waking hour) creating documents in Powerpoint. Not to be morbid, but when I die I feel my eulogy should be delivered as a bulleted presentation entitled: “Strategy and Synergy for After-life Success!!!”

So with this powerful conviction I feel only I have the moral authority to deliver from Mount Shanghai: THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF POWERPOINT.

Hear ye!

I. Thou shalt not put EVERYTHING IN BOLD, because it is so fuckingth annoyingth.
II. Thou shalt not useth the installed clip art (especiallyth guy at left), because it really freakth me out.
III. Thou shalt not useth “concretize” or “choiceful” or other lame corporate jargon because those aren’th real words.
IV. Thou shalt generally useth sans serif fonts because thine are more pleasing to mine eyes.
V. No pastels.
VI. Thou shalt smite those who set macros to cause all the text to shrinkth for some reason.
VII. Thou shalt not embedth video clips because they always causeth the computer to freeze and you willth have to click out anyway.
VIII. This commandment intentionally left blank.
IX. Thou shalt not say “You should use Keynote on Mac. It’s much better!” because no one fucking haveth a Mac.
X. Thou shalt keep the animations to a minimum, people.

Amen.

The Bund

2006-09-01T01:37:00.000-04:00

To answer a query from my lovely sister, the Bund is the waterfront promenade on the Huangpu River. It’s kind of the 5th Avenue of Shanghai. At night, the colonial-era buildings (pictured here) are lit up along with the modern towers on the other side of the river in Pudong. It’s really spectacular. (Watch Mission Impossible III. It’s featured amidst the mind-numbing car chases and totally fake Keri Russell death scene.)

Bar Rouge is one of Shanghai’s trendiest spots. It’s on the top floor of one of the Bund buildings, so you have an amazing view of the city. In the summer they bring in sand and create a beach on the terrace. Cocktails cost about the equivalent of a monthly working class wage here, so it’s mainly expats and rich Honkies (i.e. people from Hong Kong. They call themselves that. Really.) or Taiwanese who hang out there. If Paris Hilton came to Shanghai, this is where she’d dance anemically on the bar with her trademark glazed idiot expression.

I’ve been a couple of times. They lit the bar on fire once and these Russian girls (I think they were hookers) got tossed out – causing quite a stir. Pushing, scratching and screaming in Russian.

I haven’t seen the Shanghai Acrobats yet, but after seeing the fearlessness and agility regular people display riding their bikes through the traffic here – it should be nothing short of profound.

When you come to visit, we’ll go! :)

Bread Talk

2006-08-31T01:41:00.000-04:00

There's a bakery in the supermarket next to my office called "Bread Talk." I eat lunch there sometimes.

Today's special? A corn roll called "Miss Corngeniality." (The photo is crappy, but trust me.) My previous favorite was "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Bacon."

I made it back to Shanghai late last night. It's really sticky and humid today -- but I'm glad to be home.

Flightmare II: The Return

2006-08-29T21:53:00.000-04:00

I'm back in Guangzhou now after a few fun-filled days of non-stop transit.

I had another transcendantly flight-marish experience on my return. This time: $800 overweight baggage charge (11 kilos!), middle seat (11 hours!) and the friendly customer service for which Eastern Europe is famous (smoke-breath harpies with purple hair!)

I arrived in Hong Kong on Monday morning and had to go immediately to a company conference in Zhuhai, a seaside city just across the border from Asia's version of Las Vegas, Macau. Getting there required taking the air-train into Hong Kong, switching to a 70-minute ferry and then a bus. Then it was a full day of conference meetings and a company dinner with 300 of my drunken Chinese co-workers singing dance re-mixes of Carpenter's hits.

I did all of this, of course, with no sleep the night before in my middle-seat veal pen.

Yesterday, I took the bus back to Guangzhou. This evening I'm back to Shanghai. Finally.

Last night in Prague

2006-08-29T21:49:00.000-04:00

Just a couple more snaps from Prague.

The light was perfect over the river at the reception.

David & Linda

2006-08-26T11:14:00.000-04:00

The wedding was today in a beautiful cathedral in the Old Town Square in Prague.

Everything was perfect.

Best wishes to the new couple!

View from my window

2006-08-22T13:49:00.000-04:00

Here's the view from my window this morning at 10:30AM. Hotel Maximilian, Prague.

Prague

2006-08-22T03:32:00.000-04:00

I made it to Prague. It's almost laughably quaint and beautiful here. Also, no one spits on the street, pushes or yells for no reason. The population density seems a bit less than the 42 people per square foot I'm now used to.

My friend Dave is getting married on Saturday. Until then I'm hanging out with Todd and Emil. Yesterday we didn't do much -- walked around and went to some cafes. The historical sites are stereotypically European burg. Churches. Bridges. Cobblestone-streets-so-cute-you'll-puke.

Today it's raining.

Flightmare

2006-08-22T03:22:00.000-04:00

I've made up a new word - "flightmare." Clever, right?

Use it in a sentence like "The plane was delayed on the tarmac for 3 hours and a baby threw up on me. It was a flightmare."

My most recent flightmare happened Saturday on my trip between Shanghai and Amsterdam. It was a KLM flight on a 747 recently arrived from the Stone Age. No personal entertainment center. My light didn't work. The plane was so old the armrests still had ashtrays.

It was oversold and completely packed in that dismal 3-4-3 configuration. Luckily I had an aisle seat. Unluckily my aisle seat was right next to the bathroom. 11 hours.

No delays however. I made it to Amsterdam without a hitch. Here's a photo of the airplane that brought me to Prague.

Mosaic

2006-08-22T03:19:00.000-04:00

My friend Juan is an extremely talented creative director at an agency here in Shanghai. He got a new piece of software that lets him create mosaic images out of photographs.

This is me!

View from my window

2006-08-16T00:06:00.000-04:00

Here's the view from my hotel window yesterday around 8:45AM in Guangzhou.

The building at left is a new apartment building with double-height floor-to-ceiling spaces that were mainly still empty. The views must be pretty incredible, but then you'd be in ...eh, Guangzhou.