There? Where?

I had to take a break from my Chinese lessons because of all of the travel. I finally started again last week. The verdict is in: I’m too stupid to learn Chinese.

Every lesson is full of HILARIOUS linguistic quirks surely designed only to confuse whitey. For instance, “where” and “there” are the same word except pronounced with a different tone. Thus every trip in the taxi becomes my own Abbot and Costello routine. Stop where. Where? There? Right where! There. And on and on and on. It’s easier and less humbling to walk.

I’ve also become attuned to the foreigner caste system based almost entirely on language proficiency.

There are foreigners who speak only “street” Chinese. There are those who speak with relative ease and fluency. Then there are the Brahmins, these are “Starbucks-level” Chinese-speaking foreigners. You will see them in almost total English language environments and they still insist on ordering their Skim Mocha Latte in Mandarin. (I find this to be a hopeless affectation, but surely I’m just jealous.)

As a recent arrival who knows nothing I’m untouchable, barely above the drunken sorority girls on school-year-abroad. The higher-ups give me losts of condescending smiles and empty encouragement. “Hang in there! It will just click!"

I don’t feel any clicking.