Sermon on the 'Point

As I stated here before, I spend an inordinate amount of time (read: every waking hour) creating documents in Powerpoint. Not to be morbid, but when I die I feel my eulogy should be delivered as a bulleted presentation entitled: “Strategy and Synergy for After-life Success!!!”

So with this powerful conviction I feel only I have the moral authority to deliver from Mount Shanghai: THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF POWERPOINT.

Hear ye!

I. Thou shalt not put EVERYTHING IN BOLD, because it is so fuckingth annoyingth.
II. Thou shalt not useth the installed clip art (especiallyth guy at left), because it really freakth me out.
III. Thou shalt not useth “concretize” or “choiceful” or other lame corporate jargon because those aren’th real words.
IV. Thou shalt generally useth sans serif fonts because thine are more pleasing to mine eyes.
V. No pastels.
VI. Thou shalt smite those who set macros to cause all the text to shrinkth for some reason.
VII. Thou shalt not embedth video clips because they always causeth the computer to freeze and you willth have to click out anyway.
VIII. This commandment intentionally left blank.
IX. Thou shalt not say “You should use Keynote on Mac. It’s much better!” because no one fucking haveth a Mac.
X. Thou shalt keep the animations to a minimum, people.

Amen.