Honky Town

I arrived in Hong Kong via the train from Guangzhou around 9PM Friday night. Other than opening a bank account (accomplished), I didn’t have much of an agenda for the weekend. I envisioned two days of wandering around, bookstores and room service.

I stayed at the Jia Hotel, a rather tepid Philippe Starck-designed boutique. It featured the same banal Design Within Reach sample sale interior I’ve seen in various iterations around the world. Silver chairs. Over-sized framed mirrors. Couches with zany fabric patterns. A chaise shaped like a giant hand. A cushioned wheelbarrow.

Attention people of Earth! The standard design concept for boutique hotels is now officially tired. Please make a note of it.

The reception staff were creepy and overly solicitous. (“Thank you for allowing the kind use of your credit card.” Everything is perfect …on the ISLAND!) Bleary-eyed middle managers staggered about in pleated khakis trying to find the elevators in the near pitch black of the mood lighting. Enya warbled softly from some unseen sound system.

Thankfully, two words helped change my mind about the hotel. FREE CAKE! All you care to eat.

What to say about the city of Hong Kong? Wow? Super-tan-fabulous? Pretty fucking awesome?

Superlatives fail.

Overwhelming. Vertical. Heaving. Bright. Jam-packed. It’s like someone took New York, crammed all of Manhattan on to Sunset Boulevard, then took urban planning cues straight out of an Escher print. Tiny, narrow lanes abut 60 story towers. Sidewalks become stairs become pedestrian flyovers three levels up. And it wouldn’t be China if it didn’t have GIANTNEONSIGNSEVERYWHERE!!!

I went out on Saturday with the intention of going to the Peak, which is the highest point in the city and affords a spectacular view of the skyline. But it was hazy and overcast so I decided to spend the afternoon perusing books and magazines instead. Otherwise nothing exciting happened. I walked around a lot. I went to the gym. On Sunday I met a friend of a friend from Shanghai for dinner. All good.

Despite all the sensory delights of Hong Kong there was something I loved more than anything else. The locals refer to themselves as “Honkies.” Really. I walked around the city for two days confronted with amazing sight after amazing sight and all I could think was: “Honkies!” They call themselves “Honkies!” Laugh. Out. Loud.

In my head I imagined an entire city of 14 million people, all Mr. Bentley from The Jeffersons.

I took pictures but I don’t have my camera hook-up with me. I’m just posting something I found on the Internet. People seem to get agitated when I don’t add a picture.

Now I’m back in Guangzhou where it seems like I’m the only Honky.