China needs coasters

I went to Ikea on Saturday. Since this is the zillionth time I’ve moved apartments in the past 10 years, I’m an old hand at buying incidental tchotcke crap from the world’s favorite Swedish meatball emporium.

Do I need a “Horst” or a “Stronker?” Oh, I’ll just get both! And that’s a good price for a “Groggy!”


It was the typical Ikea experience, an inpenetrable maze designed to dead-end at every turn into a stack of cheap, mind-numbingly mundane household items. The thing that made this trip unique was, as everything, China.

There are 1.3 billion people in China. 1.29 billion were shopping at the Shanghai Ikea on Saturday afternoon. Most people weren’t actually shopping. A trip to Ikea is entertainment, a Scandinavian “Tomorrowland.” It’s a place where the average person can peer into a future of economic prosperity, mindless consumption and 37 different styles of drink coasters. Plus they have a slide and that ball area for the kids.

The checkout line was like the queue for the lifeboats on the Titanic. People were fighting and screaming. A woman was crying. Icy cold water was up to my knees (okay, not really.)

Somehow I survived. I’m sure I’ll be back next weekend. I need some more stuff from Ikea.