The Hainan Mutiny

 

I arrived in Beijing right on schedule on Saturday afternoon. I was meant to have a three hour layover and then catch a 5:00PM flight to Shanghai on a domestic carrier, Hainan Airlines.

In my limited experience here, the Chinese domestic airlines' approach to "schedules" and "timetables" seems giddy at best. I waited in the gate and around 5:30 a ticket agent came and made an announcement in Chinese. Everyone in the waiting area moaned, so I correctly assumed this meant we'd been delayed.

At 6:30 we finally started boarding the plane. Everyone thronged the jetway, shoved their bags in the bins, got seated and waited ...and waited ...and waited.

Around 8:00 PM the pilot made an announcement in Chinese.

Mayhem ensued.

An elderly woman ran down the aisle screaming at the flight attendents. Dozens of angry people stood up and began taking their baggage out of the overhead compartments. A group Chinese tourists in identical hats started rushing the front of the plane.

Me (as stupid foreigner): "Can anyone tell me what's going on?"

A woman a few rows up explained that the airplane needed repairs, and it would be another hour (maybe) until we could take off.

I asked why people were trying to get off the plane.

The woman responded: "They don't believe we'll take off tonight. Oh, and some of them are afraid to fly on this airplane."

Terrific. "What's wrong with the plane?"

I could tell she didn't quite know how to translate.

"Ummm... bird poop."

"Bird poop?"

She nodded. "Yes, there's bird poop covering the radar."

I didn't quite know how to respond. Finally I decided to sit and wait it out.

About half the people deplaned in a screaming, angry horde. This meant their luggage had to be taken off as well. This took some time. I took another Xanax and drank a beer.

The plane took off around 10:00PM and I arrived in Shanghai at midnight. I don't know what happened with the bird poop.